Quote of the week (Oct. 19)

The following is from the transcript of a real court case:
Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

Quote of the Week (Oct. 12)

In heaven, the cooks are French, the lovers are Italian, the mechanics are German, the police are British, and the whole place is run by the Swiss. In hell, the cooks are British, the lovers are Swiss, the mechanics are French, the police are German, and the whole place is run by the Italians. 

(Paul Rolly, The Salt Lake Tribune, October 12, 2008)